I've just come back from a road trip around Scotland. It’s somewhere I’ve always wanted to go but since I’ve been overseas so much for work and living, I’ve never really had much chance to do the trip I wanted. Or perhaps it’s just that sense that it’s always there and could be visited anytime, one day. Given the limited options for going anywhere at the moment, I was most excited to be able to take the chance to get away and have an explore around the West coast and Isles of this beautiful, wild place. Road trip, camping, hiking, walking, fishing, connecting with nature, castles and the history. I felt totally safe from a health point of view, all COVID measures were in place everywhere I went and I was just grateful to be on the road. A change of scene. Awesome.
But somehow things did not go according to my plan. All the logistics were right and the preparation was flawless, but when it came down to it, I was just not feeling my usual adventurous self and it really just showed me where my head is at at the moment. The trip was great, I’m glad I went even, but I spent an awful lot of it overthinking and telling myself off for not having left it to another time. For pushing myself when I knew I was tired, emotional and probably just needed to be at home pottering.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Drive ourselves (literally and metaphorically!) to where we think we want to be and then realise once we get there it’s not what we quite expected or needed? And what to do when this happens?
I spent a good few days talking myself down from the ledge of self-recrimination because I had not checked in with myself a little more before setting off on this adventure and was cross with myself for not enjoying it more - disappointed with my inner child for being spoilt and ungrateful. I’d had some misgivings, but I’d also really had positive intentions and reasons for going too.
And then I got a grip and went with the flow and decided just to see what happened and I did end up making the most it. Stunning place, even when the rain is coming down sideways, you've got your period and there's nowhere to wild camp that isn't a bog. Finding gratitude really always helps. Yoga in action off the mat.
The truth is it was not the external circumstances that were the problem, but the internal disturbances, the Vrtti in the mind, of which perhaps not surprisingly there have been many over the last 6 months, building up and swirling round, and I perhaps even needed to go away to see that there was so much going on in my head that I had been ignoring, or sidestepping, or simply unaware of. That I had disconnected from myself.
So all’s well that ends well, my highland fling flung me back to me and to the mat once again. Where I have my yoga I have the means to participate in the experience of my life whatever that may bring. And it’s all good. So glad to be back. Much love and namaste.